Remembering ‘The Bob Garratt’ – Blog 63

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The UK memorial for Dad will be held on Friday March 17th at The Parish Church of Saint Peter, Main Street, Awsworth, Nottingham, NG16 2QU. The service will commence at 15:00.

Afterwards there will be a gathering at The Crown Inn where we will have the opportunity to celebrate and remember his life and what he meant to us all. The Crown Inn, is just 100m away from the Parish Church.

My Dad was a much loved man and this was evident following his Cremation here in Spain on March 1st. A number of friends and family attended the service and the day was a fitting tribute and send off for one of life’s true gems.

This will now be the final blog I write on behalf of Dad. It started as an opportunity to not only keep friends and family informed about Dad’s progress but also to add to the information available out there for families who find themselves in similar situations.

What I hadn’t accounted for, was the level of support it would give us back. The love, loyalty, understanding and compassion that friends, family and total strangers have shown us has been overwhelming. All of which has helped us walk down the unknown path together.

In a world that is so often consumed with war and hatred, I have been honoured and blessed to be part of a story that has contained strength, courage, love and resilience. Cancer took my Dad’s life, but his spirit will live on forever more.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank just a few of the people that have been there for my Dad. There are dozens more though these particular people have helped more than I can perhaps every truly convey:

Jim & Val Jordan: My Dad had nothing but love and respect for you both. He loved you both dearly. He would have been proud of the service you gave him on March 1st. I know I am. Despite it being brought forward 50 years.

Tom Rigg: There are not enough words I can find to express the sheer gratitude for the support and love you have provided my Dad and family. Without you, this situation would have been unbearable. Eres una Estrella. Gracias.

Gloria Brook: You have done more than you may very well know. Your compassion and understanding has helped us navigate the unknown in a more clear, positive and grounded manner. Thank you.

For those that attend next Friday, I look forward to seeing you.

Thank you & God bless you all xxxx

P.S.

Two cannibals eating a clown, one turned to the other and said: “Does this taste funny to you?”

I have a gravel path in my garden while my neighbour’s is concrete. I think mine wins on aggregate.

Two snowmen in a field – one says to the other “Can you smell carrots?

xxxx

 

 

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Facing the Final Days – Blog 61

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Whilst the news is not entirely unexpected, I must admit today (Tuesday) has been heart breaking. Up until now we have been watching my Dad fight his battle with Cancer. We are now watching him die.

Pain is just a regular occurrence now, though thankfully the Palliative Team were due to visit Dad and offer their assistance. However, it was clear within seconds that the news was not good. We are now facing just days. It’s highly likely, if not a certainty, that my Dad will be gone before the week is out, if not sooner. We have been advised to prepare ourselves and make any necessary arrangements.

All current painkillers have ceased with immediate effect. Instead they have been replaced with Morphine injections to help Dad remain as pain free as possible until he passes. The ceasing of all tablets also included the sodium pills which have been keeping him out of hospital. Basically, the sodium levels will fall, but Dad will be gone before this becomes an issue.

No amount of awareness or kind words can truly ever prepare you for the inevitable. My Dad is one of life’s good guys. A wonderful husband, dad, grandfather, brother, uncle, friend and a beautifully upbeat person.

I can’t really express in words how gutted we feel that Dad will soon be gone. Clearly, I am thankful for the time we have been given and in many ways we have been extremely lucky with the huge amount of time we have been blessed with, in order to create memories.

No matter how gutted we feel, the silver lining is that the Morphine is intended to make the next few days as easy as possible for Dad. In addition, he is at home, in his castle, with his loved ones around him. He is however a shadow of his former self and simply no longer has the energy left to fight. In some respects, I can’t fault him. He has fought proudly with his head held high for far longer than we could ever have hoped for. My Dad an amazing man.

These next few days will be tough, horribly tough. Ultimately though we are proud of him and love him very much.

Carrots & Love – Blog 58

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The immunotherapy ‘carrot on a stick’ is still being dangled in front of Dad and it’s hard to say if he will ever fully pass all the eligibility checks.

Days and weeks continue to pass by and whilst we are blessed that he is still with us, his health continues to take a battering. It can only be due to how strong he has been during his life that he has been able to battle on so courageously for this long.

He is however tired of it all now. Each time we get to a decision point, another obstacle is put in front of him. This is wearing him down as he feels the road is blocked and he isn’t daft, he knows without the treatment his future path has already been decided.

Following the last batch of scans, we had hoped that a decision would have been reached by now. Unfortunately, they stumbled across the bowel issue which thankfully at this stage turned out not to be a tumour. They have now discovered that there could be a build-up of fluid around his heart (pericardial effusion). If found to be true this again would call time on the treatment hope. As ever though he battles on the best he can.

This current week is full of more tests. We always knew that on Wednesday he was due to have a repeat scan on his bowel to ‘bottom’ out the issue. We also found out though that the trial team needed to repeat all the other tests before Immuno would be given the green light. This is because too much time has now elapsed following the bowel issue discovery.

This meant having a repeat of all the general health checks in Valencia yesterday (blood pressure, blood tests, ECG, EKG etc…). It also included having an ultrasound to fully assess the heart situation. As Dad went in alone we are a little unsure of the result. As far as Dad is concerned, the medics said that all was okay and that his heart was “sound as a pound”. I hope this truly is the result though this fact remains to be seen.

Luckily we will get to see the Oncologist again tomorrow following the bowel scan and hopefully we will have a little more knowledge if the fluid issue is still present or not. It will also give us the opportunity to review the current batch of pain killers Dad is on. The pain is getting frequent now and increasing in its severity. His shortness of breath and inability to muster up the energy to do anything is also taking hold. As there has also been a lot of muscle wastage he is getting a lot of pain in his legs and continues to feel pain in his chest area.

Once we know the outcome from this week’s tests, I will look to provide an update as to what happens next.

As ever, thank you to everyone for the love you have all shown to not only Dad but to all of us. Happy Valentines Day one and all xxx

Immuno Olympics – Blog 55

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The long-awaited results week is upon us and news is coming in thick and fast.

On Tuesday, the eagerly anticipated phone call was received and to everyone’s relief, especially Dads, it was confirmed that his Cancer did have the protein that the Clinical Trial is designed to work with.

This was just the start of the week of hurdles Dad would now need to jump over to ensure he continued to be eligible to receive the Immunotherapy treatment that is, in all honesty, his last chance of living an extended life.

Having been informed that the protein was present, the Doctors had scheduled in two visits to Valencia ‘La Fe’ Hospital. The first was today and consisted of a series of blood tests, an ECG, a general health review and a meeting with the Doctor.

The most important element of today’s visit was the sodium levels. Should these be out of kilt, then the trial would not be able to continue and Dad’s chance at treatment would be cancelled. The amazing thing is that now there is a chance, the tests are being carried out with results coming back quickly.

I must admit I did have to feel sorry for the nurses today, as it took them a good 45 minutes just to get the blood samples they needed due to how poor Dad’s veins now are and the fact that the veins keep collapsing and making the blood extraction process nigh on impossible. Thankfully, the nurses are extremely patient.

The sodium result was that his level is now at 140!!! Ironically this is technically too high with the ideal being between 125-135. This however, is the game of balancing that the Doctors have been battling over for the last few weeks; it would appear though that a good compromise has now been found.

Dad is under strict orders to consume no more than 1 litre of fluid per day. This includes tea, coffee, water, juice, soup etc. This coupled with the fact he has been put on sodium tablets has clearly done what was needed.

There is a slight issue in that the salt overload and lack of water is impacting his renal test results however, again this is a compromise the Doctors are happy with. It also means that the ‘Immuno Go Ahead’ Is still within grasp.

The next hurdle comes tomorrow with a full body scan to be conducted (MRI & CT scan). This is so that the Doctors running the trial can take a true snapshot as to exactly what they are up against to ensure that they can fine tune the treatment and tailor this to Dad’s requirements. It could still be that things have gone too far. The hope is though that having reached this far, they will give it a blast regardless.

Once we know if Dad gets the full go ahead I will provide an Immunotherapy update in terms of what to expect, lengths of treatment, side effects, disclaimers etc… We should know before the week is through.

Finally, having returned after a few days away, I must admit that I have not seen Dad look so terrible. This is not to upset anyone, just it’s only right you know how he is both physically and mentally.

Since coming out of hospital he has barely moved, is tired constantly, is, despite what he tries to claim, experiencing countless bouts of pain, looks pale, is sleeping the majority of the time, struggles to do much without getting out of breath, has lost weight and has a very small appetite as well as feeling fuzzy, out of sorts and as he says is “a little spaced out”.

Due to the pain he is experiencing his Morphine patches have already been increased and he also has pain lozenges to suck as well as other painkiller tablets to take.

All this said, his mind is still strong. He is still laughing at times, making jokes, despite saying earlier that he is upset that he hasn’t told ‘himself’ a good joke for a while, and continues to do the worst Cilla Black and Prince Charles impressions known to man.

I admit though that he is not on the scrap heap yet and this week’s news has thankfully gone a long way to help give him a much needed boost. In fact, it’s given us all a much needed pick me up. The road ahead though is still full of many hurdles. The good thing though is that whilst the hurdles are standing in his way, Dad still wants to leap over each and every one of them, failing that he will just be trying to kick them out of the way.

Rubbing Salt in the Wound – Blog 50

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I have mixed feelings for having had Dad home for Christmas. Whilst his presence on the morning of Christmas Day was undoubtedly a good thing, his overall health was suffering due to the sodium tablets he was taking.

He had begun to show signs of dehydration, though this was known to be a side effect of not being able to have much fluid. I do however, have faith and confidence that the Oncologist knew what was going to happen and partly this was why a home visit had been scheduled five days after going home. This meant that any concerns could be addressed and sure enough, the day after the home visit, when the results were known, we were informed that Dad needed to return to hospital.

The most unexpected result was that his sodium levels had all but returned to normal with the blood tests revealing it to be at 134mEq/l with the normal range being between 135-145. Therefore, the sodium tablets had done the trick. Unfortunately, just to rub salt into the wound, dehydration had started to cause Renal Failure with his kidneys starting to malfunction and give way.

His Creatinin levels had reached 6.7mg/dl with normal levels being between 0.6-1.10. Creatinin is a waste by-product that is filtered through the kidneys via the blood. The Urea levels were also way to high with his results being 156mg/dl with normal range being between 10-50. Urea is produced in the liver then passed and filtered through the kidneys until being released via urination.

Returning to the Hospital (Lluis Alcanyes), we reported directly to the A&E department where Dad was pretty much seen straightaway and taken into the Emergency Observation Ward; he was put on four drips. One drip was an Isotonic Saline solution, another containing Bicarbonate Soda, another with Sodium Chloride and the final containing a Paracetamol solution for the pain.

You could see a change in him after just an hour though we had been informed that we needed to wait to see a specialist as there were concerns regards the overall kidney condition and they were not sure what line of treatment, if any could be taken. A few hours passed by and he was then transferred to a ward to receive continued observation and the required drips to help the kidneys effectively ‘reboot’. If this failed, then, and only then could dialysis be looked at as an option. Therefore, having returned to hospital on Wednesday we were looking at a discharge date of New Year’s Eve. This is clearly depending on what happened over the course of these 3 days.

The first night was the worst with him experiencing crippling pain. Fortunately, this eased once he ‘demanded’ to have the urethra tube removed at 2:30am. He described the pain as worse than giving birth. I am not going to broach the ‘man vs woman’ pain argument. All I will say is that Dad does not feel pain easily.

The test results we received on Thursday morning were promising. Whilst he was still severely dehydrated, with the nurses now pushing him to drink as much water as possible, the Creatinin levels had improved going from 6.7 to 4.4. This effectively showed that the kidneys may just at this stage ‘reboot’ as hoped.

Psychologically he is not in too bad a place, though still struggles to grasp what is really going on. He has however, had a word with his immune system’s army, including, Jim, Simon, Spartacus, Florence, Marie and Gibbo and informed them all to get their act in order. Errrr…… don’t ask!

Friday (today) had its own complications with his drips not being able to be administered. Basically, he fiddles with the wires which in turn, causes the drips to stop working properly. It then causes the blood to flow back up through the tube and stops it working altogether. This itself would not be so bad, however as his body is slowly giving up it is becoming increasingly more difficult for them to find suitable veins to administer the drips through.

The results we received showed a further improvement with the Creatinin level now being at 2.5 mg/dl and the Doctor felt that the results should be back to normal in the morning. She was also almost happy to let him come home today though was fearful that he would not continue to drink the required amount of water. This time he is now back to minimum 2 litres of water per day with a Mediterranean diet to be followed. Basically, healthy food and no crap.

We now find ourselves in quite a vicious cycle. Should Dad be allowed home tomorrow as planned, the worry is that the Cancer is now so advanced that the sodium levels will nose dive as they did just two weeks ago. If this happens then no cancer treatment including chemo or immunotherapy can be discussed. Treatment would then have to be given to fix the sodium levels which in turn, would more than likely, cause renal complications again. This does not even take into consideration the fact the cancer is continuing to grow and travel through the blood.

It has already been suggested, and we do have to be realistic about this, that there will only be so many times these ‘top-up’ treatments can be given. It is highly unlikely, even at this stage that he will ever advance to Chemo or Immunotherapy treatment stages. The thought of him being allowed home tomorrow, only adds to these concerns. Whilst he does seem almost ready it’s just impossible for us to know how he will react and what will happen next. It also does not help that he is a big kid when it comes to drinking water and makes drinking 2 litres of the stuff seem like he is being tortured. Suggestions on a postcard greatly appreciated.

The hope is that when home, he will have enough energy to at least go out and see the local sites, if nothing else.

The best thing about it is that we will also be getting some visitors over the coming few days. David is making a return on New Year’s Eve, Steven and Nicola will be appearing on the 2nd January and Dad’s two sisters; Margaret and Glenda as well as his niece Belinda will be making an appearance on the 4th January. At time of publication, these will all be surprise visits to give him a boost and encourage him that life is worth fighting for.

The last few weeks have been tough. Dad has been tearful, emotional, has not seen the point in going on and struggled with pains, dizziness, nausea, headaches, confusion and major fatigue. Regardless though we will be seeing him into 2017.

Happy New Year everyone. Love from The Bob Garratt & Co xxx

Tipping the balance – Blog 48

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Monday seemed to come around very quickly and Dad ended up having a full body scan. This itself was a slightly worrying sign as we had just been expecting the normal scan to see where the Cancer was within his lungs

Either way though with the scan done, the results were expected today.

The news is not as favourable as we had hoped for. The Cancer has returned and spread quite aggressively. The last scan result earlier this year indicated that the Cancer activity had reduced significantly and, with little or no activity, he was officially declared as being in remission/partial remission.

This is no longer the case. Cancer has returned and is equal to the size that it started at in June 2015. In addition, it is now of equal amount in both lungs whereas before there were just traces in the second lung. Furthermore, it has spread to the Pleura which is the membrane that covers the Lungs and has also moved into his Liver. All sites in terms of Liver and Lungs have multiple individual tumours. This is not good news.

The good news however, is that he has been allowed home today due to his salt levels having improved and is pleased to have had some fresh air. Having spoken with him on Skype he is looking tired and sounds exhausted though in part this is relief at being home. He has said that he doesn’t really know what is going to happen but he isn’t giving up. He is also thinking of those around him and what he can do to help them….

None of us truly know what is going to happen at this stage. There are still many unanswered questions. Can the tumours be removed from the Liver? Can he have more chemo? Can he cope with more Chemo? Will it make any difference at this stage? Which path should he take in terms of life expectancy vs quality of life? None of these have I an answer for.

All I do know is that an oncology appointment is scheduled for December 23rd. We will at least know more at that stage. Decisions can then be made as to what happens next.

For now though….he is home, he is still getting in some Bob Garratt humour and has not given up. None of us have.

A Rollercoaster Ride that Ends on a High! – Blog 46

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The results are in and Dad has been informed that his Cancer has stopped growing and that he is in remission.

I’m actually finding this blog quite hard to write as the news is fantastic as, I’m sure anyone reading this blog will be over-joyed to hear the news that, my Dad, who 15 months ago was diagnosed with terminal Stage 4 Lung Cancer is now in remission.

The news is tremendous but I guess Cancer is one of those things that just takes you by surprise and slaps you in the face a little. The remission does not mean that the Cancer is gone. It does however mean that it has stopped growing, is currently inactive and is causing no undue complications to my Dad or his health.

Has my Dad beat Cancer? Not sure if the answer to this is a straight Yes or No. What my Dad has shown though is that with courage, strength and oodles of support from family and friends, Cancer can be fought and doesn’t always have to have to have an unhappy ending.

When telling me the news, my Mum tried to get in on the ‘Dad Joke’ act though failed miserably (in mine and my Dad’s opinion). She told me about when ‘Paddy & Murphy’ took a ride on a large Rollercoaster. Paddy turned to Murphy and asked what would happen if they fell out. Murphy responded simply saying it wouldn’t happen as they had been friends for a long time……

I’m sorry, I know it’s a terrible joke but it did link nicely to the last 15 months in terms of the Rollercoaster ride my Dad has been on. Through it all though his jokes have remained strong, his strength has continued to grow and he can now take a well-earned rest from treatment and live life without regular hospital or doctors’ appointments.

One thing I will add at this stage is how amazing the Spanish doctors and all their support staff have been at both Xativa and Alzira Hospitals. My Dad’s treatment has gone like clockwork and the empathy, compassion and support that has been shown will never be forgotten. A big Thank You seems a little underwhelming for people that have helped my Dad still be with us now. Even had the outcome been different thus far, I could not be any more grateful for the life changing treatment my Dad has received.

The next stage in terms of an update will be a follow up appointment scheduled for December. This means 3 months with no appointments, no treatments, no side effects and minimal tablets to take.

Prior to this though, the most important event is a pre-planned visit to the wrinklies this coming Thursday. Plus, now he is in remission I won’t feel so bad when I beat him at Tri-nominoes, Table Football, Chess, Draughts, Scattergories – well any game to be fair. I think pretty much he’s bottom of the Espana Family Games Leaderboard – challenge laid down ;o)

Finally, this will be my last blog on behalf of my Dad for a while. Naturally I will provide an update as and when, though would like to thank everyone through your messages, support and encouragement for making the last 15 months much easier to cope with than it otherwise may have been. I’ve been humbled by the support you have shown my Dad, my Mum, my family and myself. The last 15 months should be a grey period in our lives yet somehow through all the good that has been shown it’s possibly been lighter than most other periods I have known.